Article originally written for Zen Habits by contributor Jonathan Mead; follow him on twitter. You can find the original article here.

Image: Give thanks courtesy of kevindooley

We often think that our success depends on focusing on ourselves. But this simply isn’t true.

Every successful person knows that you become successful because of how much value you give to others.

Yet, we often forget this.

It works the same way with our happiness, too. When I become overly focused on my goals and my feelings and my desires, I start to feel down. When I become focused on myself, it’s easy to think that everything is about me. But it’s not. And when I’m so focused on myself, I start to become easily offended by others. I think that others do things that I don’t like because of me, when they’re really just doing those things because of themselves.

See how easy it is to become depressed when you feel overly self-important?

That’s why it helps to turn your attention to others, and put your focus on giving, rather than receiving. You would think that by giving all the time, you will never receive. But the exact opposite is true; it’s because you give so much that you attract the desire for others to give back to you.

It’s crazy how this works:

• The best way to be interesting is to be interested in others.
• You gain more physical energy by burning energy when you exercise.
• The way to be loved is to be lovable.
• When you seek to understand, others are more likely to want to understand you back.
• By helping others, they are more inclined to help you in return.

I think it’s interesting how we intuitively know these things, but somehow our ego gets in the way. Our self-importance makes us think that we need to receive to justify giving. This is the same part of you that seeks to be right instead of happy. Is it worth it?

I think it’s a much more empowering position to be the one that gives first. Otherwise, who knows how long it will take the other person to initiate, if it even happens at all. To wait for others to give is like waiting for someone to give you what you want. Why not just ask and find out what happens?

Giving yourself away.

When you can give without expecting anything in return, you have mastered the art of living.

Is it any wonder that the most successful people in the world are masters of giving? The most successful people are the ones that provide the most value to others.

So the question is: How can you give more of yourself away?

I think you’ll find, as I have, that you’re most fulfilled not when you’ve done something really cool, or when you’re doing something that excites you (not that those things aren’t important). You are most fulfilled when you’re serving others.

Here are some suggestions for small, but powerful ways you can give to those around you today:

• Drop the expectations that you have for your partner and your family. Instead of expecting them to behave a certain way to you, see how you can show them how much they really mean to you.
• Give away your attitude. This is really one of the most awesome ways you can give to others. Your attitude and positive energy has an amazing effect on those around you. Darkness, when approached with light, becomes illuminated. In the same way, low energy, when approached by higher energy, dissolves. Help dissolve others’ lower energy patterns by bringing your higher, positive energy to them.
• Gift your intention. Whenever you encounter someone, say a silent blessing or send them a positive intention, instead of judging them.
• Show your gratitude. Write a simple note or letter expressing to someone how much they mean to you and the reasons you love them. The impact this will have on the receiver is amazing.
• Simply offer your help. If there’s nothing specific you can do for another person, simply let them know that if there is ever a way you can help, you would like them to let you know.

These things may seem small, but I think the world is changed by a profusion of micro ideas. Revolutions start with small actions.

So what I’d like to ask you now is, How can I help you? Let me know!

This article was written by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead of Illuminated Mind.  For more ways to give back, grab a copy of Reclaim Your Dreams.

Photo: img_07011 courtesy of Tokyo Tanenhaus (flickr)

Did you know that over 20k babies under the age of 1 die in Colombia every year?

My name is Diego, and my friends call me The crazy Colombian. I migrated to Australia at the age of 25, and since then I have lived here. I want to change the world and leave it a better place than I found it when I was born. I am also passionate about helping my home country, Colombia. Many people have asked me what Colombia is like, and this is what I say:

Colombia is the land of eternal optimism; a place full of passion that sometimes is transmuted into anger; A confused and wonderful place full of contradictions; the cradle to some of the best artists in the world.

It breaks my heart to see so many children in such heart-breaking circumstances within the streets and farm-fields of my country. I want to do something to change it, but I can’t do this without your help. All you need to do is adopt a child – through the internet, using virtual means and real money. For as little as AU$10 per week (a couple of coffees and a bagel) you can bring a child out of poverty and give him the means to have a chance at a decent future.

To learn more, visit plancolombia.crazycolombian.com and learn more about our cause; or if you want to make difference starting now, please visit plan.org.au, start sponsoring one (or many) children, and tell them The crazy Colombian sent you there.

Image: 1 courtesy of 18 55 Photography

The parable of the hungry little boy

There once was a little boy who lived on the streets of New York and was always hungry.

On Monday morning a senior executive from a hedge fund walked past him; The executive had received a free bread-roll with his coffee from the local Starbucks. Since he was on a low-carb diet, he carelessly tossed it away. Luckily for the small boy, the bread-roll landed on his lap (the boy’s, not the executive’s)On this first day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

On Tuesday, a Social Security worker walked past this same little boy. His heart was broken by the sight of a young & vulnerable child on the harsh streets of New York. He decided to stop at the bakery across the road, and used the few coins in his pocket to buy a bread-roll for the boy. On this second day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

On Wednesday a visiting politician from Washington D.C. walked past the boy, and saw a golden opportunity for some positive PR. He took his PR consultant’s lunch box, removed a bread-roll that was in it, and asked him to take a photo of him magnanimously giving the boy some food. On this third day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

Who was a better giver: The senior executive; the Social Security worker, or the politician? If you’re like most of us, you will say the Social Security worker. In our judgemental eyes, he was the only generous soul; the senior executive was simply careless, and the politician self-serving.

Yet truth is they all gave a bread-roll away. To the small boy, all three acts of kindness were equal. At the end of the day, each and every one of them allowed him to avoid hunger in a cold, winter New York day.

So what?

In our current society, we often judge others’ acts of generosity on the basis of the giver’s intentions & motivations. We believe that giving must be done with love in our hearts to be worthy of praise. But wouldn’t it be even more admirable if you gave something even when you were not inspired; when you were not feeling generous; even when you simply did not feel like it?

We all feel inspired by the person who has nothing yet gives much; in a certain way, that generosity is remarkable, and needs to be praised, if for no other reason than to recognise a selfless and generous spirit we have come across in our day. Yet we must be careful. Simply because giving with little in our pocket and a generous heart is a good thing, does not mean that we should fail to acknowledge any giving that does not come in the company of those admirable traits.

The greatest gift : giving in spite of yourself

We usually give when we are in a good mood, feeling either wealthy or generous. Yet we often feel unworthy to participate in the gift of giving if we feel motivated to do so because it has a positive impact in our taxes; because we feel just a tinge of guilt from our latest excesses; or because someone who we love is watching us and we do not want to be seen as too selfish.

It has been said that many volunteers get a strong sense of purpose from donating their time, and that at the end of the day, they are giving not so much because they love others and want to help them; but because they love themselves and feeling useful makes them happy. Should we snub them and their efforts because of it?

Or course not!

Just remember that to those on the receiving end, your motivation makes very little difference. Next time you feel like you need to be in the right frame of mind before you give to others, get over your moralistic impulses and Just Do It. The person who benefits from your kindness will appreciate it regardless of your motivations!

Image: Tunnels of time by fdecomite

What is the most scarce resource we have? Time. You can’t save it, invest it, make more of it, or even spend it. You can only use it – and you can only use it Now.

And what is the most abundant resource we have? Love. The more you give it away, the more you have, and the more you get back. It never runs out, and we have infinite reserves in our hearts.

These two timeless principles are used beautifully by Alonso Alvarez Barreda in the video he produced for the Fourth annual Short Film Online Competition in Cannes, 2008 (you can watch the movie by clicking here or at the end of this post). In this story , a few words make someone’s day, all because a stranger was willing to give some knowledge, time, and love to another person.

I suggest you watch it; reflect it; and learn.

HISTORIA DE UN LETRERO (THE STORY OF A SIGN)

Image: Puppies in the Puddle courtesy of Todd Huffman

You may be surprised by these news, but No: you do not need to be a Boy scout to Be Prepared‘ (Scouts’ motto) and Do a Good Turn Daily (Scout’s slogan). In this article we will tell you why you should create the habit of giving on a daily basis, and we will also share with you the ’secret weapon’ that makes this as easy as 1-2-3!

Why give on a daily basis?

The benefits of daily giving should be obvious, but let’s recount them:

• Giving on a daily basis will make you a better Christian / Muslim / Buddhits / <insert your religious denomination here>
• It makes you feel like you have contributed with something positive every day
• Give daily to those in need, and you will start to appreciate how much you actually have in your life
• Eventually, all that good may come back (If you don’t know about the universal Law of cause & effect aka Karma, you can learn about it in this article)
• And would you believe that some forms of giving are even tax-free?

Ok, so now that you’re convinced of making Giving a daily habit, let’s move to the How.

How to give on a daily basis?

There are 2 things you need to remember to make Giving a daily habit in your life:

1. Remember that creating new habits is a difficult task, so be easy on yourself. Leo Babauta of Zen Habits has written a fantastic article that will  help you remember of 13 things to avoid when changing habits. We strongly recommend you read it when you’re finished with us.
2. Make sure you’re ready to give when the opportunity arises. Most of the time we don’t give not because we don’t want to, but because it will take too much time, we don’t have change with us, or it simply happens at an inconvenient time. To combat these issues, we have a secret weapon: The PIF kit! What?! we here you say; Shhhhh…. it’s a cleverly guarded secret of us, committed philanthropists. But don’t worry, you can go to this Secret page to learn it all about PIF kits. It’s very easy! Take a look, and decide by yourself.

Image: Escalera (Museo Botero) by David Yazo

In Dan Millman’s book Everyday Enlightenment, the last chapter discusses the topic of Serving Others. Halfway through that chapter , Dan includes a wonderful quote from Lynne Twist, one of the founders of The Hunger Project:

People think that service is a kind of charity – strong people giving to weak people, healthy people giving to sick people, rich people giving to poor people, together people giving to people who aren’t so together.

To me, true service is an experience of wholeness, fulfillment, fullness, self-reliance, and self-sufficiency for all parties – an experience of the magnificence and infinite capacity of human beings. When I’m really in service, I disappear. My identity is no longer present. I am one with he or she or that which I am serving. It is actually an experience of God, of unity and wholeness. There is nobody giving and nobody receiving. None of that is happening. There is only an experience of unity. We begin to see that we are the expression of one soul.

An act of service is an act of love and trust. It’s also an act of responsibility and of courage… a stand for the integrity of human life.

In this profound quote, Lynne hints to the true benefits of generosity. Passing your kindness forward is a transcendental action, one which provides the giver and the receiver with a greater sense of being, of connection to all that is. Lynne describes it a as ‘experience of God‘, something you will experience regardless of your religious inclination.

Giving & Receiving is a part of life; we do it every day. Embrace it with a whole and open heart, and become more aware of all that you give and receive from life every day, and you may find a deeper meaning in what appear to be very ordinary moments. Yet by becoming more aware of the connectedness that links you to the rest of the human race, you will find that there are, in fact, very little ordinary moments.

Pass It forward; not only will it soon come back with interest, but you will also find the experience uplifting for your soul and spirit.

Image: Matching colors!!! by * Ahmad Kavousian *

In a previous reflection, we discussed the need to balance giving and receiving in your life (link). This week, I will show how adopting a giving attitude can land you big money. In the case of a lucky Samaritan, it will mean landing a cool $1 million dollars.

The Big Give: Reality TV, Oprah style

If you have watched Oprah before, you will probably have seen some of her TV stints at generosity. Whether you like her show or not, it is undeniable that Oprah has a generous soul. In a number of episodes, she has given some serious gifts to those in the audience, including cars, Plasma TVs, and other high-value items (link). In other cases, she has given money away, with the clause that the recipients are not to spend it on themselves, but rather must Pass it Forward (link).

Now Oprah has outdone herself by taking previous executions of ‘Giving’ to a new level. If you have watched shows such as Donald Trump’s The Apprentice (link), Australian Idol(link), or the infamous Big Brother (link), then you are familiar with the standard ‘Reality TV’ format: A bunch of aspirants will start a contest, with one of them being ’evicted’ every week. Oprah’s Big Give uses the same concept, but the tasks given to participants each week are based around helping someone in need.

$1 million dollars as prize money? Cool!

But competitors in this new Reality TV show don’t know that at the end of the rainbow there is a very neat gold pot with $1 million dollars in prize money. This is Oprah’s way of rewarding those that excel at the art of helping others. Apparently, Oprah wanted those in the contest to have a somewhat altruistic motive behind their efforts, so the prize was kept a secret until the end of the show. In the words of Ellen Rakieten,Winfrey’s TV partner since 1986 and co-executive producer of the show, “The fact [that] people had no idea there was a prize at the end makes it very pure“.

So if money or fame are not the apparent goal, why do people spend a significant part of their life to participate in this TV Show? Apparently they were all big fans of Oprah to start with; and were emotionally invested in earning Oprah’s grace & praise. For skeptics, the lure of TV fame and potential earnings after the show finishes will put a shade of impurity behind their motives; yet it is pretty clear that to win in this game, you must have a big heart, and a ton of practical wisdom to make altruism work in the real world.

When good motives are not good enough

As with every Reality TV show, part of the appeal will be in the frictions and challenges that arise every time you put a group of strangers working together. Just because there is a great cause behind them, it doesn’t mean that friction, bickering, and high emotions will be absent. As the series progresses, the challenges given to contestants grow in difficulty, increasing at the same time the pressure on contestants; and with it the likelihood of explosive (and highly entertaining) moments.

According to Andrew Ryan, an Arts reporter in the Canadian Globe&Mail that got a sneak preview of the series, the first episode is full of difficult moments:

“People get lost on the freeway, and contestants [were] frustrated in their attempts to mount immediate charity events to raise money for their subject. Nerves frayed, and cat-fights broke out” (link)

Casting allegedly was not aimed at choosing personalities that would clash, as is the case in many other Reality TV Shows; and whilst producers had a choice on whether to show those moments or not, it is clear that given the format selected for the show, this is a feature that will be expected by its viewers.

Does this diminish the goal? Does it make Oprah’s efforts less valuable? I don’t believe it does. If you have tried to carry out good and altruistic deeds before, you too will known that helping others can be hard work. Making that aspect of giving more clear and visible to viewers will allow everyone to make more informed choices. It also helps Good-Samaritans-to-be in having a more realistic perspective of what it will take; and make them more prepared for those times when things won’t go their way. This in turn will allow them to realise that overcoming obstacles is a normal part of the process of helping those in need.

Helping people help themselves

Back to the show: In order to win, contestants must take the hard approach to helping those in need. As the Chinese proverb says, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime“. With $2,500 as seed money at the start of each episode, Oprah’s Big Give contestants are supposed to show the person how to get out of trouble for good, rather than to provide temporary reprieve from difficult times.

There is also little in the way of choice about who to help: A panel of 3 judges who will make the decisions on which contestant to evict after each episode is also responsible for choosing the ’cause of the week’ for each team at the start of each episode.

Whether you’re in it for its entertainment value, for its ideas on how to make the world a better place; or simply because you’re a big fan of everything Oprah touches, Oprah’s Big Give is a recommended show for the comming TV season.

May the best Samaritan win.

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Links

• Oprah’s Big Give (link)
• Review of Oprah’s Big Give in the Globe&Mail (link)
• Oprah gives gifts to her audience (link)
• As seen in Oprah: Passing kindness forward (link)
• A Balanced perspective: Give as much as you receive (link)
• The Apprentice (link)
• Australian Idol(link)
• Big Brother (link)

Image by Twenty Questions

Can social networks and virtual communities revolutionize charitable giving?

This is the question that Georgia Levenson asks in a post on Slate entitled “The Facebook Philantropos” (link). Although many people expect that philantropy will be democratised by viral marketing tools like Facebook’s ‘Causes’ application, or MySpace’s Impact add-on, the cold reality is that philantropy is yet another area of modern life where the 80/20 Pareto rule still is alive and kicking: 80% of the contributions to social causes come from 20% of contributors.

Should this discourage us from active participation? After all, a primary motivation for those donating money or time to worthwhile causes is to ‘make a difference’. When you put your contribution into context, it begs the question of ‘is it wortwhile’?

Because only you can answer that question, I’d like to share my perspective on the question. Every time I decide to conduct a Randm Act of Kindness, to donate money to a wortwhile charity, or to give some of my time to making a difference, I remind myself of the following: Only I can give my time, my money, my kindness. And when I do, I make a difference – no matter how small it may be – to someone’s life. To the millions of people that get helped by the millionaire’s contributions, my assistance meant nothing at all. But for the one person that my action helped, it meant the world. And that is why I choose to continue giving to others.

If you’ve been following the various Reflections made on this web site, you probably think that our aim is to inspire people to give (in the form of Random Acts of Kindness, or RAKs) all the time.

You would be be mistaken.

Our aim is to encourage a world where everyone does RAKs on a daily (ideally) or a weekly basis.The small distinction in these 2 descriptions is that if everyone is doing RAKs, it is likely that everyone will also be the recipient of at least some.

In order to have a fulfilling life, your giving & receiving must be in balance. Doreen Virtue knew this and included a card to this effect in her set of Oracle cards , “Daily guidance from your angels“. According to this card, “The entire Universe operates in cycles similar to your inhalations and exhalations. When you only exhale (give) or only inhale (receive), you become out of rythm with the universe. For optimal health, energy and replenishment, balance each inhalation in your life with an exhalation”.

Her concept is not new or unique. Stephen Post has been doing research for quite some time at the University of Cleveland in Ohio that proves that ‘being good’ leads to longer, healthier, and happier lives. He has documented the results of this research in his book “Why good things happen to good people”, and was interviewed by Rachel Kohn in ABC Radio National’s The Spirit of Things. There is a very interesting excerpt from this interview (underline is mine) that I transcribe below :

Rachael Kohn: Well let’s talk about giving. Is there a kind of optimum measure of giving?

Stephen Post: An optimum measure.

Rachael Kohn: Can you overdo it?

Stephen Post: Yes. In fact I want to make that point very clear. In the studies that are presented in the book, many of the researchers point out that when we are overwhelmed by giving, for example, someone who is involved in care-giving in an intense way, in fact being a person of kindness and goodness can be counter-productive. People do suffer from increased stress and stress-related illness when they are overwhelmed and overburdened.

So it’s very important to recognise that there has to be balance in people’s lives, there’s no one formula, no one recipe, everybody’s different, everybody has different strengths and limits. But in general, so long as people are not overwhelmed, there is something in the very process of giving itself that is beneficial.

As Stephen points out, if you burden yourself with the responsibility of giving, it can lead to stress-related problems. This stress can also have unintended consequences, the most dramatic of which would be to influence you directly to stop the very act of giving.

The problem with an imbalanced giving & receiving equation is that it can lead to negative & destructive emotions. Too much giving can make you feel that others’ are not grateful or fair to you, and that The Universe or People are taking advantage of you. Too much receiving, on the other hand, will lead you to feeling that you are taking advantage of others and being unfair.

Our advise: Make sure you aim for balance in your giving and receiving. If you feel you are receiving too much, start giving now; better yet, use one of our cards to give to others, and encourage them to Pass it Forward. Or if you are giving too much, find ways to recognise and appreciate what you receive. That is almost guaranteed to encourage others to make you the recipient of RAKS. If that does not work, simply make sure that you are not overburdening yourself with the responsibility of giving.

And remember: It’s been proven that doing good deeds for others will lead to longer, healthier, and happier lives. So get started today: Improve your life by doing some Random Acts of Kindness now!