Article originally written for Zen Habits by contributor Jonathan Mead; follow him on twitter. You can find the original article here.

Image: Give thanks courtesy of kevindooley

We often think that our success depends on focusing on ourselves. But this simply isn’t true.

Every successful person knows that you become successful because of how much value you give to others.

Yet, we often forget this.

It works the same way with our happiness, too. When I become overly focused on my goals and my feelings and my desires, I start to feel down. When I become focused on myself, it’s easy to think that everything is about me. But it’s not. And when I’m so focused on myself, I start to become easily offended by others. I think that others do things that I don’t like because of me, when they’re really just doing those things because of themselves.

See how easy it is to become depressed when you feel overly self-important?

That’s why it helps to turn your attention to others, and put your focus on giving, rather than receiving. You would think that by giving all the time, you will never receive. But the exact opposite is true; it’s because you give so much that you attract the desire for others to give back to you.

It’s crazy how this works:

• The best way to be interesting is to be interested in others.
• You gain more physical energy by burning energy when you exercise.
• The way to be loved is to be lovable.
• When you seek to understand, others are more likely to want to understand you back.
• By helping others, they are more inclined to help you in return.

I think it’s interesting how we intuitively know these things, but somehow our ego gets in the way. Our self-importance makes us think that we need to receive to justify giving. This is the same part of you that seeks to be right instead of happy. Is it worth it?

I think it’s a much more empowering position to be the one that gives first. Otherwise, who knows how long it will take the other person to initiate, if it even happens at all. To wait for others to give is like waiting for someone to give you what you want. Why not just ask and find out what happens?

Giving yourself away.

When you can give without expecting anything in return, you have mastered the art of living.

Is it any wonder that the most successful people in the world are masters of giving? The most successful people are the ones that provide the most value to others.

So the question is: How can you give more of yourself away?

I think you’ll find, as I have, that you’re most fulfilled not when you’ve done something really cool, or when you’re doing something that excites you (not that those things aren’t important). You are most fulfilled when you’re serving others.

Here are some suggestions for small, but powerful ways you can give to those around you today:

• Drop the expectations that you have for your partner and your family. Instead of expecting them to behave a certain way to you, see how you can show them how much they really mean to you.
• Give away your attitude. This is really one of the most awesome ways you can give to others. Your attitude and positive energy has an amazing effect on those around you. Darkness, when approached with light, becomes illuminated. In the same way, low energy, when approached by higher energy, dissolves. Help dissolve others’ lower energy patterns by bringing your higher, positive energy to them.
• Gift your intention. Whenever you encounter someone, say a silent blessing or send them a positive intention, instead of judging them.
• Show your gratitude. Write a simple note or letter expressing to someone how much they mean to you and the reasons you love them. The impact this will have on the receiver is amazing.
• Simply offer your help. If there’s nothing specific you can do for another person, simply let them know that if there is ever a way you can help, you would like them to let you know.

These things may seem small, but I think the world is changed by a profusion of micro ideas. Revolutions start with small actions.

So what I’d like to ask you now is, How can I help you? Let me know!

This article was written by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead of Illuminated Mind.  For more ways to give back, grab a copy of Reclaim Your Dreams.

Image: 1 courtesy of 18 55 Photography

The parable of the hungry little boy

There once was a little boy who lived on the streets of New York and was always hungry.

On Monday morning a senior executive from a hedge fund walked past him; The executive had received a free bread-roll with his coffee from the local Starbucks. Since he was on a low-carb diet, he carelessly tossed it away. Luckily for the small boy, the bread-roll landed on his lap (the boy’s, not the executive’s)On this first day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

On Tuesday, a Social Security worker walked past this same little boy. His heart was broken by the sight of a young & vulnerable child on the harsh streets of New York. He decided to stop at the bakery across the road, and used the few coins in his pocket to buy a bread-roll for the boy. On this second day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

On Wednesday a visiting politician from Washington D.C. walked past the boy, and saw a golden opportunity for some positive PR. He took his PR consultant’s lunch box, removed a bread-roll that was in it, and asked him to take a photo of him magnanimously giving the boy some food. On this third day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

Who was a better giver: The senior executive; the Social Security worker, or the politician? If you’re like most of us, you will say the Social Security worker. In our judgemental eyes, he was the only generous soul; the senior executive was simply careless, and the politician self-serving.

Yet truth is they all gave a bread-roll away. To the small boy, all three acts of kindness were equal. At the end of the day, each and every one of them allowed him to avoid hunger in a cold, winter New York day.

So what?

In our current society, we often judge others’ acts of generosity on the basis of the giver’s intentions & motivations. We believe that giving must be done with love in our hearts to be worthy of praise. But wouldn’t it be even more admirable if you gave something even when you were not inspired; when you were not feeling generous; even when you simply did not feel like it?

We all feel inspired by the person who has nothing yet gives much; in a certain way, that generosity is remarkable, and needs to be praised, if for no other reason than to recognise a selfless and generous spirit we have come across in our day. Yet we must be careful. Simply because giving with little in our pocket and a generous heart is a good thing, does not mean that we should fail to acknowledge any giving that does not come in the company of those admirable traits.

The greatest gift : giving in spite of yourself

We usually give when we are in a good mood, feeling either wealthy or generous. Yet we often feel unworthy to participate in the gift of giving if we feel motivated to do so because it has a positive impact in our taxes; because we feel just a tinge of guilt from our latest excesses; or because someone who we love is watching us and we do not want to be seen as too selfish.

It has been said that many volunteers get a strong sense of purpose from donating their time, and that at the end of the day, they are giving not so much because they love others and want to help them; but because they love themselves and feeling useful makes them happy. Should we snub them and their efforts because of it?

Or course not!

Just remember that to those on the receiving end, your motivation makes very little difference. Next time you feel like you need to be in the right frame of mind before you give to others, get over your moralistic impulses and Just Do It. The person who benefits from your kindness will appreciate it regardless of your motivations!

Image: Tunnels of time by fdecomite

What is the most scarce resource we have? Time. You can’t save it, invest it, make more of it, or even spend it. You can only use it – and you can only use it Now.

And what is the most abundant resource we have? Love. The more you give it away, the more you have, and the more you get back. It never runs out, and we have infinite reserves in our hearts.

These two timeless principles are used beautifully by Alonso Alvarez Barreda in the video he produced for the Fourth annual Short Film Online Competition in Cannes, 2008 (you can watch the movie by clicking here or at the end of this post). In this story , a few words make someone’s day, all because a stranger was willing to give some knowledge, time, and love to another person.

I suggest you watch it; reflect it; and learn.

HISTORIA DE UN LETRERO (THE STORY OF A SIGN)

Image: Puppies in the Puddle courtesy of Todd Huffman

You may be surprised by these news, but No: you do not need to be a Boy scout to Be Prepared‘ (Scouts’ motto) and Do a Good Turn Daily (Scout’s slogan). In this article we will tell you why you should create the habit of giving on a daily basis, and we will also share with you the ’secret weapon’ that makes this as easy as 1-2-3!

Why give on a daily basis?

The benefits of daily giving should be obvious, but let’s recount them:

• Giving on a daily basis will make you a better Christian / Muslim / Buddhits / <insert your religious denomination here>
• It makes you feel like you have contributed with something positive every day
• Give daily to those in need, and you will start to appreciate how much you actually have in your life
• Eventually, all that good may come back (If you don’t know about the universal Law of cause & effect aka Karma, you can learn about it in this article)
• And would you believe that some forms of giving are even tax-free?

Ok, so now that you’re convinced of making Giving a daily habit, let’s move to the How.

How to give on a daily basis?

There are 2 things you need to remember to make Giving a daily habit in your life:

1. Remember that creating new habits is a difficult task, so be easy on yourself. Leo Babauta of Zen Habits has written a fantastic article that will  help you remember of 13 things to avoid when changing habits. We strongly recommend you read it when you’re finished with us.
2. Make sure you’re ready to give when the opportunity arises. Most of the time we don’t give not because we don’t want to, but because it will take too much time, we don’t have change with us, or it simply happens at an inconvenient time. To combat these issues, we have a secret weapon: The PIF kit! What?! we here you say; Shhhhh…. it’s a cleverly guarded secret of us, committed philanthropists. But don’t worry, you can go to this Secret page to learn it all about PIF kits. It’s very easy! Take a look, and decide by yourself.

Image: S is for Superman by Xurble

Sounds far fetched, doesn’t it? But like every other story in this blog, it is absolutely true.

I’d like to introduce you to Heroic Stories; let’s see what they have to say about themselves:

As a bonus, subscribing is free, and will deliver stories to your inbox on a regular basis. The current story (12 February ‘08) is particularly fitting to this blog, as it is a Pass it Forward story! The story starts with the protagonist observing a humble family in a freeway on an old pickup truck loaded with what appears to be their entire belongings: Mattresses; toys; boxes full of clothes. As a heavy storm approaches, this person observes an old lady rush into a convenience store, come out with a large sheet of plastic, and motion the wife to help her cover the back of the truck with the heavy plastic sheeting. The story finishes with this beautiful line: I rolled down my window as the little old lady and the young mother emerged to meet at the rear of the pick-up. And I heard the wizened (and soaking wet) little old lady say, “Don’t thank me, Just Pas It On when you have the opportunity.” (The full story is right now in the archives – click here and look for ‘Rainstorm’)

If you’ve been following the various Reflections made on this web site, you probably think that our aim is to inspire people to give (in the form of Random Acts of Kindness, or RAKs) all the time.

You would be be mistaken.

Our aim is to encourage a world where everyone does RAKs on a daily (ideally) or a weekly basis.The small distinction in these 2 descriptions is that if everyone is doing RAKs, it is likely that everyone will also be the recipient of at least some.

In order to have a fulfilling life, your giving & receiving must be in balance. Doreen Virtue knew this and included a card to this effect in her set of Oracle cards , “Daily guidance from your angels“. According to this card, “The entire Universe operates in cycles similar to your inhalations and exhalations. When you only exhale (give) or only inhale (receive), you become out of rythm with the universe. For optimal health, energy and replenishment, balance each inhalation in your life with an exhalation”.

Her concept is not new or unique. Stephen Post has been doing research for quite some time at the University of Cleveland in Ohio that proves that ‘being good’ leads to longer, healthier, and happier lives. He has documented the results of this research in his book “Why good things happen to good people”, and was interviewed by Rachel Kohn in ABC Radio National’s The Spirit of Things. There is a very interesting excerpt from this interview (underline is mine) that I transcribe below :

Rachael Kohn: Well let’s talk about giving. Is there a kind of optimum measure of giving?

Stephen Post: An optimum measure.

Rachael Kohn: Can you overdo it?

Stephen Post: Yes. In fact I want to make that point very clear. In the studies that are presented in the book, many of the researchers point out that when we are overwhelmed by giving, for example, someone who is involved in care-giving in an intense way, in fact being a person of kindness and goodness can be counter-productive. People do suffer from increased stress and stress-related illness when they are overwhelmed and overburdened.

So it’s very important to recognise that there has to be balance in people’s lives, there’s no one formula, no one recipe, everybody’s different, everybody has different strengths and limits. But in general, so long as people are not overwhelmed, there is something in the very process of giving itself that is beneficial.

As Stephen points out, if you burden yourself with the responsibility of giving, it can lead to stress-related problems. This stress can also have unintended consequences, the most dramatic of which would be to influence you directly to stop the very act of giving.

The problem with an imbalanced giving & receiving equation is that it can lead to negative & destructive emotions. Too much giving can make you feel that others’ are not grateful or fair to you, and that The Universe or People are taking advantage of you. Too much receiving, on the other hand, will lead you to feeling that you are taking advantage of others and being unfair.

Our advise: Make sure you aim for balance in your giving and receiving. If you feel you are receiving too much, start giving now; better yet, use one of our cards to give to others, and encourage them to Pass it Forward. Or if you are giving too much, find ways to recognise and appreciate what you receive. That is almost guaranteed to encourage others to make you the recipient of RAKS. If that does not work, simply make sure that you are not overburdening yourself with the responsibility of giving.

And remember: It’s been proven that doing good deeds for others will lead to longer, healthier, and happier lives. So get started today: Improve your life by doing some Random Acts of Kindness now!