Article originally written for Zen Habits by contributor Jonathan Mead; follow him on twitter. You can find the original article here.

Image: Give thanks courtesy of kevindooley

We often think that our success depends on focusing on ourselves. But this simply isn’t true.

Every successful person knows that you become successful because of how much value you give to others.

Yet, we often forget this.

It works the same way with our happiness, too. When I become overly focused on my goals and my feelings and my desires, I start to feel down. When I become focused on myself, it’s easy to think that everything is about me. But it’s not. And when I’m so focused on myself, I start to become easily offended by others. I think that others do things that I don’t like because of me, when they’re really just doing those things because of themselves.

See how easy it is to become depressed when you feel overly self-important?

That’s why it helps to turn your attention to others, and put your focus on giving, rather than receiving. You would think that by giving all the time, you will never receive. But the exact opposite is true; it’s because you give so much that you attract the desire for others to give back to you.

It’s crazy how this works:

• The best way to be interesting is to be interested in others.
• You gain more physical energy by burning energy when you exercise.
• The way to be loved is to be lovable.
• When you seek to understand, others are more likely to want to understand you back.
• By helping others, they are more inclined to help you in return.

I think it’s interesting how we intuitively know these things, but somehow our ego gets in the way. Our self-importance makes us think that we need to receive to justify giving. This is the same part of you that seeks to be right instead of happy. Is it worth it?

I think it’s a much more empowering position to be the one that gives first. Otherwise, who knows how long it will take the other person to initiate, if it even happens at all. To wait for others to give is like waiting for someone to give you what you want. Why not just ask and find out what happens?

Giving yourself away.

When you can give without expecting anything in return, you have mastered the art of living.

Is it any wonder that the most successful people in the world are masters of giving? The most successful people are the ones that provide the most value to others.

So the question is: How can you give more of yourself away?

I think you’ll find, as I have, that you’re most fulfilled not when you’ve done something really cool, or when you’re doing something that excites you (not that those things aren’t important). You are most fulfilled when you’re serving others.

Here are some suggestions for small, but powerful ways you can give to those around you today:

• Drop the expectations that you have for your partner and your family. Instead of expecting them to behave a certain way to you, see how you can show them how much they really mean to you.
• Give away your attitude. This is really one of the most awesome ways you can give to others. Your attitude and positive energy has an amazing effect on those around you. Darkness, when approached with light, becomes illuminated. In the same way, low energy, when approached by higher energy, dissolves. Help dissolve others’ lower energy patterns by bringing your higher, positive energy to them.
• Gift your intention. Whenever you encounter someone, say a silent blessing or send them a positive intention, instead of judging them.
• Show your gratitude. Write a simple note or letter expressing to someone how much they mean to you and the reasons you love them. The impact this will have on the receiver is amazing.
• Simply offer your help. If there’s nothing specific you can do for another person, simply let them know that if there is ever a way you can help, you would like them to let you know.

These things may seem small, but I think the world is changed by a profusion of micro ideas. Revolutions start with small actions.

So what I’d like to ask you now is, How can I help you? Let me know!

This article was written by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead of Illuminated Mind.  For more ways to give back, grab a copy of Reclaim Your Dreams.

The following story arrived today in my inbox, and reminded me of the core principles behind Pass it Forward: 

1. Being kind is not difficult – you just need to look for oppotunities
2. Being kind is not expensive – sometimes all it takes is a bit of time and the cost of a stamp
3. Passing kindness creates a virtuous cycle that never ends. 

I hope you enjoy the story:  

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month.The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about howmuch she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words: 

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick. 

I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her. You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith. 

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, ‘To Meredith , ‘in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, ‘When a Pet Dies.’ Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven.

Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.

Abbey isn’t sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don’t need our bodies in heaven, I don’t have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.

I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.

By the way, I’m easy to find, I am wherever there is love.

Love,

God

 

Image: 1 courtesy of 18 55 Photography

The parable of the hungry little boy

There once was a little boy who lived on the streets of New York and was always hungry.

On Monday morning a senior executive from a hedge fund walked past him; The executive had received a free bread-roll with his coffee from the local Starbucks. Since he was on a low-carb diet, he carelessly tossed it away. Luckily for the small boy, the bread-roll landed on his lap (the boy’s, not the executive’s)On this first day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

On Tuesday, a Social Security worker walked past this same little boy. His heart was broken by the sight of a young & vulnerable child on the harsh streets of New York. He decided to stop at the bakery across the road, and used the few coins in his pocket to buy a bread-roll for the boy. On this second day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

On Wednesday a visiting politician from Washington D.C. walked past the boy, and saw a golden opportunity for some positive PR. He took his PR consultant’s lunch box, removed a bread-roll that was in it, and asked him to take a photo of him magnanimously giving the boy some food. On this third day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

Who was a better giver: The senior executive; the Social Security worker, or the politician? If you’re like most of us, you will say the Social Security worker. In our judgemental eyes, he was the only generous soul; the senior executive was simply careless, and the politician self-serving.

Yet truth is they all gave a bread-roll away. To the small boy, all three acts of kindness were equal. At the end of the day, each and every one of them allowed him to avoid hunger in a cold, winter New York day.

So what?

In our current society, we often judge others’ acts of generosity on the basis of the giver’s intentions & motivations. We believe that giving must be done with love in our hearts to be worthy of praise. But wouldn’t it be even more admirable if you gave something even when you were not inspired; when you were not feeling generous; even when you simply did not feel like it?

We all feel inspired by the person who has nothing yet gives much; in a certain way, that generosity is remarkable, and needs to be praised, if for no other reason than to recognise a selfless and generous spirit we have come across in our day. Yet we must be careful. Simply because giving with little in our pocket and a generous heart is a good thing, does not mean that we should fail to acknowledge any giving that does not come in the company of those admirable traits.

The greatest gift : giving in spite of yourself

We usually give when we are in a good mood, feeling either wealthy or generous. Yet we often feel unworthy to participate in the gift of giving if we feel motivated to do so because it has a positive impact in our taxes; because we feel just a tinge of guilt from our latest excesses; or because someone who we love is watching us and we do not want to be seen as too selfish.

It has been said that many volunteers get a strong sense of purpose from donating their time, and that at the end of the day, they are giving not so much because they love others and want to help them; but because they love themselves and feeling useful makes them happy. Should we snub them and their efforts because of it?

Or course not!

Just remember that to those on the receiving end, your motivation makes very little difference. Next time you feel like you need to be in the right frame of mind before you give to others, get over your moralistic impulses and Just Do It. The person who benefits from your kindness will appreciate it regardless of your motivations!

Image: Puppies in the Puddle courtesy of Todd Huffman

You may be surprised by these news, but No: you do not need to be a Boy scout to Be Prepared‘ (Scouts’ motto) and Do a Good Turn Daily (Scout’s slogan). In this article we will tell you why you should create the habit of giving on a daily basis, and we will also share with you the ’secret weapon’ that makes this as easy as 1-2-3!

Why give on a daily basis?

The benefits of daily giving should be obvious, but let’s recount them:

• Giving on a daily basis will make you a better Christian / Muslim / Buddhits / <insert your religious denomination here>
• It makes you feel like you have contributed with something positive every day
• Give daily to those in need, and you will start to appreciate how much you actually have in your life
• Eventually, all that good may come back (If you don’t know about the universal Law of cause & effect aka Karma, you can learn about it in this article)
• And would you believe that some forms of giving are even tax-free?

Ok, so now that you’re convinced of making Giving a daily habit, let’s move to the How.

How to give on a daily basis?

There are 2 things you need to remember to make Giving a daily habit in your life:

1. Remember that creating new habits is a difficult task, so be easy on yourself. Leo Babauta of Zen Habits has written a fantastic article that will  help you remember of 13 things to avoid when changing habits. We strongly recommend you read it when you’re finished with us.
2. Make sure you’re ready to give when the opportunity arises. Most of the time we don’t give not because we don’t want to, but because it will take too much time, we don’t have change with us, or it simply happens at an inconvenient time. To combat these issues, we have a secret weapon: The PIF kit! What?! we here you say; Shhhhh…. it’s a cleverly guarded secret of us, committed philanthropists. But don’t worry, you can go to this Secret page to learn it all about PIF kits. It’s very easy! Take a look, and decide by yourself.

Image: Escalera (Museo Botero) by David Yazo

In Dan Millman’s book Everyday Enlightenment, the last chapter discusses the topic of Serving Others. Halfway through that chapter , Dan includes a wonderful quote from Lynne Twist, one of the founders of The Hunger Project:

People think that service is a kind of charity – strong people giving to weak people, healthy people giving to sick people, rich people giving to poor people, together people giving to people who aren’t so together.

To me, true service is an experience of wholeness, fulfillment, fullness, self-reliance, and self-sufficiency for all parties – an experience of the magnificence and infinite capacity of human beings. When I’m really in service, I disappear. My identity is no longer present. I am one with he or she or that which I am serving. It is actually an experience of God, of unity and wholeness. There is nobody giving and nobody receiving. None of that is happening. There is only an experience of unity. We begin to see that we are the expression of one soul.

An act of service is an act of love and trust. It’s also an act of responsibility and of courage… a stand for the integrity of human life.

In this profound quote, Lynne hints to the true benefits of generosity. Passing your kindness forward is a transcendental action, one which provides the giver and the receiver with a greater sense of being, of connection to all that is. Lynne describes it a as ‘experience of God‘, something you will experience regardless of your religious inclination.

Giving & Receiving is a part of life; we do it every day. Embrace it with a whole and open heart, and become more aware of all that you give and receive from life every day, and you may find a deeper meaning in what appear to be very ordinary moments. Yet by becoming more aware of the connectedness that links you to the rest of the human race, you will find that there are, in fact, very little ordinary moments.

Pass It forward; not only will it soon come back with interest, but you will also find the experience uplifting for your soul and spirit.

Image: Matching colors!!! by * Ahmad Kavousian *

In a previous reflection, we discussed the need to balance giving and receiving in your life (link). This week, I will show how adopting a giving attitude can land you big money. In the case of a lucky Samaritan, it will mean landing a cool $1 million dollars.

The Big Give: Reality TV, Oprah style

If you have watched Oprah before, you will probably have seen some of her TV stints at generosity. Whether you like her show or not, it is undeniable that Oprah has a generous soul. In a number of episodes, she has given some serious gifts to those in the audience, including cars, Plasma TVs, and other high-value items (link). In other cases, she has given money away, with the clause that the recipients are not to spend it on themselves, but rather must Pass it Forward (link).

Now Oprah has outdone herself by taking previous executions of ‘Giving’ to a new level. If you have watched shows such as Donald Trump’s The Apprentice (link), Australian Idol(link), or the infamous Big Brother (link), then you are familiar with the standard ‘Reality TV’ format: A bunch of aspirants will start a contest, with one of them being ’evicted’ every week. Oprah’s Big Give uses the same concept, but the tasks given to participants each week are based around helping someone in need.

$1 million dollars as prize money? Cool!

But competitors in this new Reality TV show don’t know that at the end of the rainbow there is a very neat gold pot with $1 million dollars in prize money. This is Oprah’s way of rewarding those that excel at the art of helping others. Apparently, Oprah wanted those in the contest to have a somewhat altruistic motive behind their efforts, so the prize was kept a secret until the end of the show. In the words of Ellen Rakieten,Winfrey’s TV partner since 1986 and co-executive producer of the show, “The fact [that] people had no idea there was a prize at the end makes it very pure“.

So if money or fame are not the apparent goal, why do people spend a significant part of their life to participate in this TV Show? Apparently they were all big fans of Oprah to start with; and were emotionally invested in earning Oprah’s grace & praise. For skeptics, the lure of TV fame and potential earnings after the show finishes will put a shade of impurity behind their motives; yet it is pretty clear that to win in this game, you must have a big heart, and a ton of practical wisdom to make altruism work in the real world.

When good motives are not good enough

As with every Reality TV show, part of the appeal will be in the frictions and challenges that arise every time you put a group of strangers working together. Just because there is a great cause behind them, it doesn’t mean that friction, bickering, and high emotions will be absent. As the series progresses, the challenges given to contestants grow in difficulty, increasing at the same time the pressure on contestants; and with it the likelihood of explosive (and highly entertaining) moments.

According to Andrew Ryan, an Arts reporter in the Canadian Globe&Mail that got a sneak preview of the series, the first episode is full of difficult moments:

“People get lost on the freeway, and contestants [were] frustrated in their attempts to mount immediate charity events to raise money for their subject. Nerves frayed, and cat-fights broke out” (link)

Casting allegedly was not aimed at choosing personalities that would clash, as is the case in many other Reality TV Shows; and whilst producers had a choice on whether to show those moments or not, it is clear that given the format selected for the show, this is a feature that will be expected by its viewers.

Does this diminish the goal? Does it make Oprah’s efforts less valuable? I don’t believe it does. If you have tried to carry out good and altruistic deeds before, you too will known that helping others can be hard work. Making that aspect of giving more clear and visible to viewers will allow everyone to make more informed choices. It also helps Good-Samaritans-to-be in having a more realistic perspective of what it will take; and make them more prepared for those times when things won’t go their way. This in turn will allow them to realise that overcoming obstacles is a normal part of the process of helping those in need.

Helping people help themselves

Back to the show: In order to win, contestants must take the hard approach to helping those in need. As the Chinese proverb says, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime“. With $2,500 as seed money at the start of each episode, Oprah’s Big Give contestants are supposed to show the person how to get out of trouble for good, rather than to provide temporary reprieve from difficult times.

There is also little in the way of choice about who to help: A panel of 3 judges who will make the decisions on which contestant to evict after each episode is also responsible for choosing the ’cause of the week’ for each team at the start of each episode.

Whether you’re in it for its entertainment value, for its ideas on how to make the world a better place; or simply because you’re a big fan of everything Oprah touches, Oprah’s Big Give is a recommended show for the comming TV season.

May the best Samaritan win.

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Links

• Oprah’s Big Give (link)
• Review of Oprah’s Big Give in the Globe&Mail (link)
• Oprah gives gifts to her audience (link)
• As seen in Oprah: Passing kindness forward (link)
• A Balanced perspective: Give as much as you receive (link)
• The Apprentice (link)
• Australian Idol(link)
• Big Brother (link)

Image by Dyobmit

When I started the “Pass it forward” movement a bit over a year ago, I had no idea how popular the concept really was. Today I found out even Oprah got in the act, giving over 300 of her viewers $1,000 to spend on Random Acts of Kindness. You can read more about the challenge and how people reacted to it here, and get involved in the movement by going here If you want to get an idea of something you really could do, take a look at the YouTube video below.

Image by Unkle Cheese

Yes, I am blatantly borrowing the title of a very interesting article by Ben Dean, a PhD at the University of Pennsylvania who specialises in “Positive Psychology“. The article explores the reasons why people behave in an altruistic way. In other words, it argues the points for and against regularly performing Random Acts of Kindness.

In a very balanced manner, Dr Dean explores first the cynical view about altruism. Namely, that we carry out Good Deeds because it helps us feel better; because it gains us social and personal rewards; or simply because of social pressure.

He then continues on to present the results of research where doing the right thing and act selflessly was harder than not. The results of the research are not surprising: people still chose to act with kindness, even when there were significant negative impacts on their lives.

What I liked the most about the article is that it closes by presenting the results of research conducted by Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Professor of Psychology at Stanford and one of Positive Psychology’s leading lights. Her research confirmed that completing five RAKs every day has a significant and positive impact in our levels of positive emotion.

If you want to learn a bit more about Dr. Lyubomirsky’s research, I suggest you go to the article Dr Dean wrote, or to her own web page (Links at the bottom of this writing). On the other hand, if you like the idea of committing 5 RAKs per day, why not print some PIF cards and start today? You have my permission to download and print your own cards (go here)

Dr Ben Dean’s article on ‘Kindness and the case for altruism’:
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/newsletter.aspx?id=70

Dr Soja Lyubomirsky’s web page:
http://www.faculty.ucr.edu/~sonja/

Do you know how to code? Want to help make the world a better place?

The Pass-it-forward movement needs you!!With the recently launch of a new feature on the ‘Pass It Forward’ card, we have stretched ourselves beyond our abilities for web development.

The new feature (called ‘good deed register’) is similar in nature to Bookcrossing . Every PIF card we release from today will have a unique identifier (PIF-ID) that will allow you to check the trail of good deeds that have come before yours, and those that happen after.

To make this happen, we need to do some heavy database-development on the PIF page. We’ll be happy to host the page on a commercial web site, but first we need to develop the engine.

Are you keen to help? Do you have experience on this kind of web development? Send us an email at info (at) pifaustralia.org, and let us know who you are, your experience, and the programming languages you know which could help us. If you have developed Open-Source software, let us know; we would like to offer this development to other web sites for free (if possible) .