Pass it forward

Image: Matching colors!!! by * Ahmad Kavousian *

In a previous reflection, we discussed the need to balance giving and receiving in your life (link). This week, I will show how adopting a giving attitude can land you big money. In the case of a lucky Samaritan, it will mean landing a cool $1 million dollars.

The Big Give: Reality TV, Oprah style

If you have watched Oprah before, you will probably have seen some of her TV stints at generosity. Whether you like her show or not, it is undeniable that Oprah has a generous soul. In a number of episodes, she has given some serious gifts to those in the audience, including cars, Plasma TVs, and other high-value items (link). In other cases, she has given money away, with the clause that the recipients are not to spend it on themselves, but rather must Pass it Forward (link).

Now Oprah has outdone herself by taking previous executions of ‘Giving’ to a new level. If you have watched shows such as Donald Trump’s The Apprentice (link), Australian Idol(link), or the infamous Big Brother (link), then you are familiar with the standard ‘Reality TV’ format: A bunch of aspirants will start a contest, with one of them being ’evicted’ every week. Oprah’s Big Give uses the same concept, but the tasks given to participants each week are based around helping someone in need.

$1 million dollars as prize money? Cool!

But competitors in this new Reality TV show don’t know that at the end of the rainbow there is a very neat gold pot with $1 million dollars in prize money. This is Oprah’s way of rewarding those that excel at the art of helping others. Apparently, Oprah wanted those in the contest to have a somewhat altruistic motive behind their efforts, so the prize was kept a secret until the end of the show. In the words of Ellen Rakieten,Winfrey’s TV partner since 1986 and co-executive producer of the show, “The fact [that] people had no idea there was a prize at the end makes it very pure“.

So if money or fame are not the apparent goal, why do people spend a significant part of their life to participate in this TV Show? Apparently they were all big fans of Oprah to start with; and were emotionally invested in earning Oprah’s grace & praise. For skeptics, the lure of TV fame and potential earnings after the show finishes will put a shade of impurity behind their motives; yet it is pretty clear that to win in this game, you must have a big heart, and a ton of practical wisdom to make altruism work in the real world.

When good motives are not good enough

As with every Reality TV show, part of the appeal will be in the frictions and challenges that arise every time you put a group of strangers working together. Just because there is a great cause behind them, it doesn’t mean that friction, bickering, and high emotions will be absent. As the series progresses, the challenges given to contestants grow in difficulty, increasing at the same time the pressure on contestants; and with it the likelihood of explosive (and highly entertaining) moments.

According to Andrew Ryan, an Arts reporter in the Canadian Globe&Mail that got a sneak preview of the series, the first episode is full of difficult moments:

“People get lost on the freeway, and contestants [were] frustrated in their attempts to mount immediate charity events to raise money for their subject. Nerves frayed, and cat-fights broke out” (link)

Casting allegedly was not aimed at choosing personalities that would clash, as is the case in many other Reality TV Shows; and whilst producers had a choice on whether to show those moments or not, it is clear that given the format selected for the show, this is a feature that will be expected by its viewers.

Does this diminish the goal? Does it make Oprah’s efforts less valuable? I don’t believe it does. If you have tried to carry out good and altruistic deeds before, you too will known that helping others can be hard work. Making that aspect of giving more clear and visible to viewers will allow everyone to make more informed choices. It also helps Good-Samaritans-to-be in having a more realistic perspective of what it will take; and make them more prepared for those times when things won’t go their way. This in turn will allow them to realise that overcoming obstacles is a normal part of the process of helping those in need.

Helping people help themselves

Back to the show: In order to win, contestants must take the hard approach to helping those in need. As the Chinese proverb says, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime“. With $2,500 as seed money at the start of each episode, Oprah’s Big Give contestants are supposed to show the person how to get out of trouble for good, rather than to provide temporary reprieve from difficult times.

There is also little in the way of choice about who to help: A panel of 3 judges who will make the decisions on which contestant to evict after each episode is also responsible for choosing the ’cause of the week’ for each team at the start of each episode.

Whether you’re in it for its entertainment value, for its ideas on how to make the world a better place; or simply because you’re a big fan of everything Oprah touches, Oprah’s Big Give is a recommended show for the comming TV season.

May the best Samaritan win.

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Links

• Oprah’s Big Give (link)
• Review of Oprah’s Big Give in the Globe&Mail (link)
• Oprah gives gifts to her audience (link)
• As seen in Oprah: Passing kindness forward (link)
• A Balanced perspective: Give as much as you receive (link)
• The Apprentice (link)
• Australian Idol(link)
• Big Brother (link)

Image: S is for Superman by Xurble

Sounds far fetched, doesn’t it? But like every other story in this blog, it is absolutely true.

I’d like to introduce you to Heroic Stories; let’s see what they have to say about themselves:

As a bonus, subscribing is free, and will deliver stories to your inbox on a regular basis. The current story (12 February ‘08) is particularly fitting to this blog, as it is a Pass it Forward story! The story starts with the protagonist observing a humble family in a freeway on an old pickup truck loaded with what appears to be their entire belongings: Mattresses; toys; boxes full of clothes. As a heavy storm approaches, this person observes an old lady rush into a convenience store, come out with a large sheet of plastic, and motion the wife to help her cover the back of the truck with the heavy plastic sheeting. The story finishes with this beautiful line: I rolled down my window as the little old lady and the young mother emerged to meet at the rear of the pick-up. And I heard the wizened (and soaking wet) little old lady say, “Don’t thank me, Just Pas It On when you have the opportunity.” (The full story is right now in the archives – click here and look for ‘Rainstorm’)

If you’ve been following the various Reflections made on this web site, you probably think that our aim is to inspire people to give (in the form of Random Acts of Kindness, or RAKs) all the time.

You would be be mistaken.

Our aim is to encourage a world where everyone does RAKs on a daily (ideally) or a weekly basis.The small distinction in these 2 descriptions is that if everyone is doing RAKs, it is likely that everyone will also be the recipient of at least some.

In order to have a fulfilling life, your giving & receiving must be in balance. Doreen Virtue knew this and included a card to this effect in her set of Oracle cards , “Daily guidance from your angels“. According to this card, “The entire Universe operates in cycles similar to your inhalations and exhalations. When you only exhale (give) or only inhale (receive), you become out of rythm with the universe. For optimal health, energy and replenishment, balance each inhalation in your life with an exhalation”.

Her concept is not new or unique. Stephen Post has been doing research for quite some time at the University of Cleveland in Ohio that proves that ‘being good’ leads to longer, healthier, and happier lives. He has documented the results of this research in his book “Why good things happen to good people”, and was interviewed by Rachel Kohn in ABC Radio National’s The Spirit of Things. There is a very interesting excerpt from this interview (underline is mine) that I transcribe below :

Rachael Kohn: Well let’s talk about giving. Is there a kind of optimum measure of giving?

Stephen Post: An optimum measure.

Rachael Kohn: Can you overdo it?

Stephen Post: Yes. In fact I want to make that point very clear. In the studies that are presented in the book, many of the researchers point out that when we are overwhelmed by giving, for example, someone who is involved in care-giving in an intense way, in fact being a person of kindness and goodness can be counter-productive. People do suffer from increased stress and stress-related illness when they are overwhelmed and overburdened.

So it’s very important to recognise that there has to be balance in people’s lives, there’s no one formula, no one recipe, everybody’s different, everybody has different strengths and limits. But in general, so long as people are not overwhelmed, there is something in the very process of giving itself that is beneficial.

As Stephen points out, if you burden yourself with the responsibility of giving, it can lead to stress-related problems. This stress can also have unintended consequences, the most dramatic of which would be to influence you directly to stop the very act of giving.

The problem with an imbalanced giving & receiving equation is that it can lead to negative & destructive emotions. Too much giving can make you feel that others’ are not grateful or fair to you, and that The Universe or People are taking advantage of you. Too much receiving, on the other hand, will lead you to feeling that you are taking advantage of others and being unfair.

Our advise: Make sure you aim for balance in your giving and receiving. If you feel you are receiving too much, start giving now; better yet, use one of our cards to give to others, and encourage them to Pass it Forward. Or if you are giving too much, find ways to recognise and appreciate what you receive. That is almost guaranteed to encourage others to make you the recipient of RAKS. If that does not work, simply make sure that you are not overburdening yourself with the responsibility of giving.

And remember: It’s been proven that doing good deeds for others will lead to longer, healthier, and happier lives. So get started today: Improve your life by doing some Random Acts of Kindness now!

Image by Unkle Cheese

Yes, I am blatantly borrowing the title of a very interesting article by Ben Dean, a PhD at the University of Pennsylvania who specialises in “Positive Psychology“. The article explores the reasons why people behave in an altruistic way. In other words, it argues the points for and against regularly performing Random Acts of Kindness.

In a very balanced manner, Dr Dean explores first the cynical view about altruism. Namely, that we carry out Good Deeds because it helps us feel better; because it gains us social and personal rewards; or simply because of social pressure.

He then continues on to present the results of research where doing the right thing and act selflessly was harder than not. The results of the research are not surprising: people still chose to act with kindness, even when there were significant negative impacts on their lives.

What I liked the most about the article is that it closes by presenting the results of research conducted by Sonja Lyubomirsky, a Professor of Psychology at Stanford and one of Positive Psychology’s leading lights. Her research confirmed that completing five RAKs every day has a significant and positive impact in our levels of positive emotion.

If you want to learn a bit more about Dr. Lyubomirsky’s research, I suggest you go to the article Dr Dean wrote, or to her own web page (Links at the bottom of this writing). On the other hand, if you like the idea of committing 5 RAKs per day, why not print some PIF cards and start today? You have my permission to download and print your own cards (go here)

Dr Ben Dean’s article on ‘Kindness and the case for altruism’:
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/newsletter.aspx?id=70

Dr Soja Lyubomirsky’s web page:
http://www.faculty.ucr.edu/~sonja/

Who said angels don’t live amongst us? There is a potential angel deep within each one of us. The recipe is quite simpls: Have some fun. Choose your attitude. Make someone’s day. Pass it forward.

It really is within your hands. Bring your angel within to live amongst us; and make the world a better place, one Random Act of Kindnesss at a time.

This year, I received a hamper from a friend as a Christmas present. I loved the gift, because I didn’t really need the food, and it gave me a wonderful opportunity to Pass it forward. These are some ideas of what you could do with it:

• Give it to the cleaners / security guards / waitresses of your workplace / favourite coffee shop
• Open it up and give every item as a small present to a stranger on the street. Make sure you add a Christmas card (and if you’re daring, a PIF card)
• Prove to yourself you can be kind to those you don’t like by giving it to an unlikeable colleague or acquaintance
• Walk a street in your town where homeless people often stroll or stay asking for charity; open the hamper, and start offering ‘one thing of your choice’ to every homeless person you come across
• Go to the local nursing home and leave as a surprise present to the resident who never gets visited by anyone
• Visit your church (or preferred charity) and offer it for a fund-raising raffle
• Give it to your Mum

“Have you noticed (…) when you’re walking down the street (…) people don’t smile any more. They have left the ability to smile!” Jack Lalanne

The quote above is from a great video (in Black & White!) from this amazing person called Jack Lalanne.  In that post of his TV Show, Jack argues that we need to forget about so many material things; go back to better eating and a more physical life, and your mind will worry less; your body will have less stress, and we will be hapier.

Why not follow his advice, and give your children the gift of a smile every day?

If you’re interested in his video, please see the Youtube video  below.

No, my loyal reader; I am not going to talk about Bryce Courtney’s famous novel in this post – although it is a highly recommended read from one of Australia’s most powerful story tellers.

Instead, I want to talk about one of the major issues encountered by those of us trying to change the world ‘one step at a time’. As I explain in the history of this movement, I got the idea of working on this project in late 2006. Back then, I was totally unaware of just how many people shared the same idea I had. Since then, I heave realised there is a real army trying to change the world, one Random At of Kindness at a time. Let’s take a good look at them:

The author who started it all

Most prominently is the ‘Pay It Forward Movement‘ started by the author of the novel that inspired most of us, Catherine Ryan Hyde. Soon after I started my web site in its first incarnation, I wrote them an email asking for their help. I essentially asked her if I would be allowed to borrow the design from their web site and adapt it to Australian conditions. (incidentally, I never got an answer!!)

The various chapters

From the Pay It Forward movement’s website you can find a page with the international chapters of this movement. At last count, there were seven international chapters. I just took a look at the web site, and there is only one left!!! (the Singapore chapter). It seems that many people that started a local movement simply didn’t have the stamina, resources, or determination to make it work and keep at it.

Pay It Forward day

Another group with a lovely web site. Unfortunately, their guest-book is empty, and their true stories stopped on May of 2007.

We are what we do

From their web site “Hello …and welcome to We Are What We do, a new movement inspiring people to use their everyday actions to change the world. We’re not talking moving big mountains. More of a gentle nudge from the corner desk. A little prod from the sofa. A gentle push from the PE room.” According to their web page, they have managed to attract 15,941 people to track their actions through their web site. Assuming some of those are ‘dead logins’ (mine being a good example – I used it for a few weeks, then didn’t go back to the web site), they still have managed to create a decent following. They have leveraged the power of publishing by securing funding ( I assume) from their success ‘Change the world’ series. Well worth a visit.

Change the worldin 5 minutes

Another commercially backed project (this time from SBS), this one has a twist on media – think of it as the YouTube of the Pay It forward movement. You can submit video or images that show the small actions that can change the world without much effort. A fun example is the following image:

Australian Kindness Movement

This is the Australian chapter of the ‘World Kindness Movement’, created in 1994. I couldn’t how many visitors or subscribers it has (It sends a regular newsletter, although apparently its founder is not well as since then the web site has been in a hiatus: “Brian Willis, founder of the Australian Kindness Movement, is currently recovering from a serious illness – and now well on the mend. We will be updating the new site extensively over the next few months. -Carl Holden – 9th December 2007“.

How you can change the world

This site is for all those people who despair at the problems that face our planet, but feel helpless and unable to act. You are not powerless. Read on and find out what the problems of the world are, and how we can resolve them by acting on eight guiding principles. (From the web site’s home page). This site does not seem to have membership, and does not publish web stats; although it has a forum. The forum boasts 179 registered members, and the most recent post at the forum was from 25 Nov 2007.

This is the list I have managed to compile so far. Quite an army of strong-minded individuals, trying to make the world a better place; working (mostly) on their own.

But where is the General or Admiral of this army? Where is the vision to ‘unite and conquer’? No, these people believe in the ‘Power of One’. They, like me, were convinced that all you need is a good idea, tenacity, resilience, and the right reason to embark on this adventure. The problem with that view is that it will suffice, as long as success is a ‘nice to have’. I understand if you don’t believe me, even after reading the semi-comatose state in which most of our web sites are ( I include mine, where a daily count of 10 webhits puts me on a great day!). But I do ask you to read on with an open mind.

If you look at the great, visible forces of today that make a difference (whether for the ‘dark side’ or for good), they share one thing in common: They scale up. Look at large corporations. Look at organisations like the Red Cross, Medicines Sans Frontiers, or your favourite (famous, successful and recognised) charity. They all have applied the secrets of modern marketing to their strategy. They all have gained notoriety. They all have more than one, ten, or even a hundred people working with them.

So this is what I propose: Let’s all of us check our egos at the door, and decide we will transform this space by creating a globally recognised movement. Let’s aim to have a million, ten million, a hundred million people doing Random and not-so-random Acts of Kindness every day, or at least every week. Let’s think beyond big; Let’s dream. And let’s unite forces to make this world, truly, a better world.

I will be sending an email to the ‘info’ address of every single one of those movements to make my proposal. I will post updates on this page (or maybe they can simply leave a comment on this post) as replies happen.

Let’s stop WISHING to make the world a better place , and actually DO IT!!!!

How did you feel while watching this video? Let’s have a look at the ‘Pay it forward’ trailer now:

If you try to compare the emotional impact that the first video had on you compared to the movie trailer, how was it? Did it create a more emotional response on you? A lesser one? Where they equally powerful?

I would appreciate if you let me know in the comments section; it will help decide on what kind of posts you like more and I should focus on the future.

Thanks

Buddha once said:

The thought manifests as the word;
The word manifests as the deed;
The deed develops into a habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its’ ways with care,
and let it spring from love borne out of concern for all beings…
As the shadow follows the body,
as we think so we become.

You see, thoughts are quite powerful things. On that basis, I can argue you just received a gift – by inviting you to have a holiday season full of joy, I planted the seed for a little more happiness in your life over the coming month.

The question now is: what present are you giving your acquaintances for Christmas? How would you like to give them something that can transform their life? Something that won’t cost you a dime?

This is what you need to do:

1. Choose a good deed to carry out today. (If you want ideas, check the Links section or the Ideas page)
2. Write about it : Tell us what you did, when, and how it made someone’s day. Write this on both a piece of paper and on an email to our address (see top-right corner)
3. Download a copy of the ‘PIF CARD’, print it, and glue back and front together
4. Choose a unique PIF identification name for the deed that started it all (I am personally choosing two initials to show it originated in Australia, and then a sequential number – I am up to “AU-00100″)
5. Write the PIF-ID on the card.
6. Put the card and the description of the deed on an envelope.
7. Give the envelope as a gift, and encourage your acquaintance to ‘Pass it forward’

Remember those pesky chain letters of the ’80s that evolved into chain emails? You will be starting one of those, with a difference: Rather than wasting postage and paper, you will be encouraging others to make someone’s day. At least a few of those you touch with your kindness will follow your example.

And someone else will be very, very happy that you did it. They will be the happy recipients of a Random Act of Kindness.

Wishing you a very Joyous Holiday season, and a peaceful and fulfilling 2008.

Sometimes life deals you strange cards. Funny cards. Weird cards.

Yesterday, I was dealt a funny, weird, and strange card. I was searching on YouTube for videos to help raise the awareness of this movement, and came across a great video. It shows the concept of ‘Pass It Forward’ in a more physical sense. Have a look; it may make you smile.